Now that our time away is over and I have some time to sit down with my thoughts about the ten days of travelling, I realize I have a hard road of forgiveness and grace ahead of me. I’m really struggling with some things that have recently come up.
All my life I have chosen to be quiet about a lot of things that have happened in my past. I have always believed, that while it is my right to share MY stories and be as open as I am about MY life, when it comes to sharing parts of my life, especially difficult times, if it involves other persons, it is no longer just MY story to share.
This is why I don’t often share personal things about my past, my family, my husband, my children, etc.. My stories, that include them, are their stories too. Perhaps they are not interested in having their stories shared from my point if view. Stories are personal.
When I do share, it’s because I have simply asked for their permission to share.
However, the times that have truly had the most impact on my life, and my faith, are not usually ‘happy’ stories. Sometimes, I know the persons involved in those personal stories would be upset if I shared them.
So I simply keep quiet, and a very large part of my life never gets shared. But those are the deepest parts of me. The parts I feel mean the most, and the stories of mine that can impact others lives the most too! Stories in which many of us share common bonds, trials, tribulations, strengths, and weaknesses.
I don’t like shallow, and often feel like I’m living a shallow life by not sharing the deepest parts of me. But deep could hurt some of those whom I love…
I always thought I was doing everyone a favour by not sharing my stories. I thought I was being honourable, and respectful, by keeping those stories tucked away where no one could see them.
I’m realizing that I may not be doing anyone any favours by being quiet.
I’m not doing myself any favours.
It seems that by keeping quiet, it has been misinterpreted to be a sign of weakness.
This could not be further from the truth. It takes a whole lot of strength to be still. It takes a great amount of strength to be quiet.
During our time away, as we travelled out west to pick up our new son, some issues from the past surfaced. I’m trying hard to work through it all. Especially feelings of anger. I refuse to let anger control me, or take up any head space. There’s SO much more to life, too much to let anger have ANY of it! I’ve always let go of anger, and moved onto grace. It’s a much better way to live. A much better place to be.
But how do you truly forgive, and live under grace, when some don’t seem to want forgiveness or even feel they need it?
I don’t really know, but I value a peaceful, and grace filled life too much not try my best to figure it out.