Category Archives: The Heart of This Woman

  • Our adoption

    This is a very difficult post to write, and one I almost don’t want to share but you’ve all been through this long road with us and it just doesn’t feel right not to share the conclusion. Please keep in mind this has been difficult, and not an easy subject. I know things can seem faceless on the Internet, but we are a real live family, travelling a rough road, and gentleness is needed.

    We want to share that the adoption process has ended for our family, and our adoptive ‘son’ no longer lives with us. Since he is a ward of children’s services, we are not legally permitted to share much information about why. However, we would like you to understand as much as we can share.

    Due to his past, there were issues that we had really hoped were environmental, something that would not be an issue once he was in a stable home with a loving family. However, a recent incident brought to light just how deep the issues actually are. Children’s services stepped in and immediately searched out the right place for him to receive the help he needs.

    Thankfully he understood that he needs help, agreed to treatment and went willingly. We truly hope all he learned while being a part of our family will help him head down the right road to his future. Be praying for him, and also that he receives the support he needs. We know this is hard for not just us, but his biological family too. Be praying for them as well.

    The fact that the outcome of this adoption can not be as we had all hoped does not change who we are as a family, and we hope no one makes assumptions due to the lack of information we can provide. We still believe strongly in adoption. We do not regret trying to give him a ‘real’ family, and having him be a very real part of our daily lives. We hope the memories made here will last him a lifetime. We have to come to grips with letting go and letting God. We thank you all for your prayers and support while we travelled this road, and, as we adjust to life as it now is.

  • Does what we eat matter most?

    I was reading a blog post this morning.

    God cares a lot more what’s in your heart than what’s in your fridge.

    When our eldest children, now 20 & 22, were babes it seemed the main concern of ‘social’ groups/mom groups was that our kids looked good and behaved. Today it seems that how we feed our family, and if we do or do not agree with vaccines, is forefront. What’s forefront often changes, yet while it’s ‘popular’ it can make and break friendships between mothers.
    No matter what is forefront, most often it’s just a distraction from what we should really be focusing on.

    Ourselves. Our behaviours. How we treat one another. Being good role models for our children.

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    The truth is, who we are, who we are raising our children to be, and showing Christ’s love through it all (as Christians) should be foremost.
    And what another does, how they eat, how they raise their children etc. should not be the most important thing. We don’t need to agree with each other 100% to be a support to one another.

    For our family, we eat the way we do because of a simple scripture that has been a favourite of ours for over 16 years. It’s taken just that long to finally live it out too!

    1 Thessalonians 4:11-12
    Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
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    I’m not concerned so much about winning respect, but I desire to see ‘good fruit’ as proof of our lifestyle being right for us. Our children are our fruit. Part of our goal of a country lifestyle has always been to benefit our children, and aid us in raising them to be aware of the world around them. Nature, animals, people. Loving and caring for them all while seeking God’s will for their lives.

    We raise as much of our own food as possible because it is an important part of leading our quiet life and working with our hands. (I emphasize ‘our’ because I feel ‘our’ way need not be everyone’s way!) Growing/raising our own food has simply evolved through our desire to live the lifestyle we have chosen. It’s not just about eating better and being healthier. What good are those things if we do not live ‘right’? If our attitudes stink or we get ourselves so busy making healthy food that we ignore our children?

    Eating healthy homegrown foods is simply a side benefit. A wonderful side benefit, as we raise these six children of ours. Our heart, our attitude, our behaviour, and how we love one another while living this lifestyle is what determines how our children will thrive as good persons.

    Not the food we eat.

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  • Lies our children believe.

    I spent part of my morning fighting a battle.

    A battle that I’m unfortunately, not new to. Neither are you.
    A battle for the minds and hearts of our children, a battle we often have to fight for ourselves too.

    Read more

  • Duck Dynasty, Skeletons in their closet.

    For my fellow Duck Dynasty fans. As always, they are keeping it real. This is the story of the skeletons in their closet.

    Our family loves the Robertson’s, because although they are rednecks in the USA, and my husband and I are in Canada and come from very different backgrounds, our tale, our history, is still very similar.

    One day we will share our story, our skeletons, but that time has not come yet. For now, I’ll share the Robertson’s story, because they share it so much better than we could ever share ours:

    Five skeletons in the Robertson’s family closet, through three generations.

    Well worth the time it takes to watch, to the end. Best video I’ve seen in a long while.

    http://www.ijreview.com/2013/11/96798-duck-dynastys-robertson-family-has-skeletons-here-are-five-of-them/

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  • A family that works together, stays strong.

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    There was something very surreal about scrambling together in the dark to find all the last garden goodies, by the light of the harvest moon last night!

    The three youngest girls especially enjoyed picking all their pumpkins this way, they thought it was ‘cool’ to hunt the pumpkins with the coyotes howling close by. Pieter found it fun to climb an apple tree in the dark and throw apples at his big brother who then put him in a hold and showed him who’s really ‘boss’.

    These are the moments that memories are made of. On a homestead, most of the best memories are made while ‘working’ together as a family.

    Remember that for YOUR family, even without a homestead.

    This is our first year with a ‘real’ homestead (and by prairie standards, it’s TINY!!!!) but this is most certainly not our first year doing homesteading type ‘work’ as a family because we’ve known all along that a family that works together, stays strong together.

    My best memories as a child were of our family working together. Building a home, or camping. Once our family kind of stopped working together because everyone was off on their own separate ways/lives, the very best memories seemed to fade. Life and stress got in the way.

    Take the time to MAKE those memories even after your kids are no longer little children!

    My older kids (22 & almost 20) sometimes wonder why I ‘organize’ things like potato picking, or hay time, etc. when all eight of us are home. It’s not easy to juggle with adult kids who have several outside-of-the-home jobs, but I do it because it’s so worth it! Wether they realize it or not, these will become the times they remember best!

    Now that we have Pieter here, it’s important for him to have some of these memories too! But its important for all six of our kids, and hubby and I too!

    Get to work as a family, and create some memories!

  • Texting & Driving. Just don’t do it. It’s that simple.

    A few months back, I had borrowed my daughters fairly small car to drive into the city. It was a Tuesday, later afternoon. I was making the almost 2 hour drive for one of our ten adoption course sessions. My husband came most sessions, but had to miss two. This particular Tuesday was one of those times.

    Since we live in the prairies, the drive to the city is flat, and fairly straight, and simply an easy drive.

    This is probably the worst part of prairie driving. People are so accustomed to the easy drives, that they just don’t expect the unexpected.

    I was driving along, enjoying the scenery and being alone in the cute sporty car with the music playing. There were few vehicles driving by me heading in the other direction, and even fewer behind me heading my way. At one point I noticed a big black truck a little ways behind me.

    On these types of drives I always put on the cruise control, just a smidge over the speed limit so I’m not being ‘slow’, but not enough over the limit to ever worry about a speeding ticket. I enjoy driving, and don’t enjoy rushing, so the cruise control is great for me.

    As I was going along, there was nothing remarkable about the drive at all. I was simply minding my own business. At one point up ahead, there were a few bumps in the road and these bumps were marked with a small, but noticeable red traffic warning sign. So I began to slow down to prepare for the slight ‘impact’ of those bumps in the road.

    I just happened to quickly glance in my rear view mirror, just as we’re taught way back when we’re learning to drive.

    Suddenly, that big black truck I saw a ways behind me before, was almost on my back bumper, and the driver had not even noticed I had slowed down. He was headed straight at me, full speed. He was RIGHT.THERE.

    I quickly hit the gas peddle to speed up, and at the same time I noticed in my rearview mirror that he looked up from what he was doing and realized I had slowed down in front if him.

    He had been holding his phone just like this:

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    I know that he had felt very confident that he could see perfectly well in front of him with his phone right out in front.

    I know that he felt very confident that all was well, the road was all clear, him and I were quite obviously both set to cruise control.

    The weather was good, roads were dry.

    There was nothing to worry about.

    Perfect road conditions to text while driving. Why not? Nothing else to do while driving down a boring straight stretch of prairie highway right?

    Wrong.

    There is NEVER a perfect time to text while driving.

    Or to read a text while driving.

    Nothing you could text is EVER important enough to risk killing yourself, or possibly someone like me.
    A mother to five, adopting a sixth, wife to one, sister to four, daughter to living parents, aunt to thirteen children, daughter in law, sister in law to four, cousin to many, friend and acquaintance to countless…

    The list goes on.

    Do YOU want to be responsible for taking me, or someone like me, out of the lives of ALL those people?

    No?

    Then watch this video. It’s important. And it’s very well done too.

    And yes, it is also sad.

    But watch it anyway.
    Your family, and my family, are worth it.

    from one second to the next.

  • Forgiveness & Grace

    Now that our time away is over and I have some time to sit down with my thoughts about the ten days of travelling, I realize I have a hard road of forgiveness and grace ahead of me. I’m really struggling with some things that have recently come up.
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    All my life I have chosen to be quiet about a lot of things that have happened in my past. I have always believed, that while it is my right to share MY stories and be as open as I am about MY life, when it comes to sharing parts of my life, especially difficult times, if it involves other persons, it is no longer just MY story to share.

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    This is why I don’t often share personal things about my past, my family, my husband, my children, etc.. My stories, that include them, are their stories too. Perhaps they are not interested in having their stories shared from my point if view. Stories are personal.

    When I do share, it’s because I have simply asked for their permission to share.

    However, the times that have truly had the most impact on my life, and my faith, are not usually ‘happy’ stories. Sometimes, I know the persons involved in those personal stories would be upset if I shared them.

    So I simply keep quiet, and a very large part of my life never gets shared. But those are the deepest parts of me. The parts I feel mean the most, and the stories of mine that can impact others lives the most too! Stories in which many of us share common bonds, trials, tribulations, strengths, and weaknesses.

    I don’t like shallow, and often feel like I’m living a shallow life by not sharing the deepest parts of me. But deep could hurt some of those whom I love…

    I always thought I was doing everyone a favour by not sharing my stories. I thought I was being honourable, and respectful, by keeping those stories tucked away where no one could see them.

    But lately…
    I’m realizing that I may not be doing anyone any favours by being quiet.

    Mostly…
    I’m not doing myself any favours.

    It seems that by keeping quiet, it has been misinterpreted to be a sign of weakness.

    This could not be further from the truth. It takes a whole lot of strength to be still. It takes a great amount of strength to be quiet.

    During our time away, as we travelled out west to pick up our new son, some issues from the past surfaced. I’m trying hard to work through it all. Especially feelings of anger. I refuse to let anger control me, or take up any head space. There’s SO much more to life, too much to let anger have ANY of it! I’ve always let go of anger, and moved onto grace. It’s a much better way to live. A much better place to be.

    But how do you truly forgive, and live under grace, when some don’t seem to want forgiveness or even feel they need it?

    I don’t really know, but I value a peaceful, and grace filled life too much not try my best to figure it out.

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  • Are YOU, or your kids, bored?

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    I saw this on a friends Facebook and love it.
    All my life I’ve wondered how anyone could ever be ‘bored’. Certainly not for lack of opportunity to DO, and LIVE, for that only comes from lack of willingness to think, and look beyond ourselves. We must make ourselves aware of life around us.

    If I were ever bored, I would do some baking and go give it to someone. If I didn’t bake, I’d make a sandwich, or even buy some food, and go give it to someone.

    If I had no ability to bake, or money to buy something to share, I’d go for a walk, with my eyes open to my surroundings and the needs around me. I’d go pick up litter. We’ve actually done this.

    There’s much too much to do in this life to be bored! If you’re bored, find an adventure. If you can’t find one, create one!

    If you still can’t come up with something to do, go ask someone else how you can help them. An elderly neighbour, or a new mom.

    This is just my opinion, but allowing boredom to make a place in ones life is a dangerous open door for something else. Depression.

    I’m not saying if you get bored you are depressed, or if you are depressed you are just bored.

    I’m simply saying, don’t let yourself fall into a trap of feeling ‘bored’. If you force yourself to DO something instead, especially for someone else, only good can come from it.

    If you allow yourself to sit and be bored, it helps no one, most especially not you.

    And please, do NOT allow your kids to be bored, or to say they are bored. If they are, or say they are, take them by the hand and open their eyes to the world around them, including the needs of others.

    If a child is old enough to be bored, they are old enough to help someone.
    It begins with us parents. We can change our children’s expectation to be entertained into an expectation to be a help when there is nothing else to be done!

    I have five children (6 as of July 15th!!). The eldest is 21, youngest are now 13. Boredom has never been a part of our lifestyle. Don’t let it be a part of yours.

    You may say, “But you live in the country, on a homestead…”

    In the past 23 years we have lived in a bachelor suite, a basement ‘apartment’, in a small town, in a large town, on a city lot, on 5 acres, and now on 18 acres.

    We have lived in Ontario, on the west coast of British Columbia, and now in the rural prairies of Saskatchewan.

    We have been financially well off, and we have been flat broke, and everywhere in between!

    We have had a stable lifestyle, and we have had very rocky rough times. Even in our marriage.

    Your place, space, funds available, surroundings, and/or situation in life do not cause boredom.

    Only YOU are capable of ‘causing’ boredom in your life.