And told the kids to pretend I’m not home.<\/p>\n
I feel so incredibly grumpy that I just don’t want to risk ‘biting’ their heads off.<\/p>\n
For days I’ve had this constant battle going on inside my head. The closer we get to my husband leaving, the worse it gets and the harder it is to WIN that battle.<\/p>\n
I even battled about whether I should write. I hate being ‘depressing’. HATE it. Abhor it is probably not a strong enough word for how much I don’t like to be a ‘downer’.<\/p>\n
However, this is my life right now, and this is my blog.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n We met with our realtor yesterday, and then again today. Yesterday to hash out a new game plan. I asked him what sells a home in this market lately, because if it’s just price, well… if we drop the realtor, we can drop 20 grand immediately and never see a difference in OUR bottom line.<\/p>\n I think that got some thought juices flowing. He suggested that he put some ads into local horse mags\/websites etc..<\/p>\n Yes, how about you do that.<\/em><\/p>\n Today he brought over papers to “unlist” the house and then to “re-list” it again as a new listing. We’re trying, anything, we need this hobby farm to sell. NOW.<\/strong><\/p>\n I told him I do NOT<\/strong><\/em> want to sit here all winter while my husband, and the father of our five children, is 2000 km’s away living alone in a trailer, in a campground.<\/p>\n However… I know I have no control over this.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n And THAT<\/strong> is what’s driving me insane. THAT<\/strong> is what is causing this great battle inside my head.<\/p>\n I think about how pissed (not a strong enough word right now but this is a family friendly site) I am that after all this time we still sit here. Waiting.<\/p>\n Then I\u00a0counteract\u00a0that thought in my head with, “But you’re so blessed that Graydon finally has a GREAT job!”<\/p>\n And I know this is true. So I carry on, feeling better yet again.<\/p>\n Then I start to feel so very disappointed that we’ve even gotten this far. TWO days until my husband leaves, until he MOVES to Saskatchewan, and we haven’t a single CLUE as to what’s going to happen on this end.<\/p>\n And I feel sad again, angry even.<\/p>\n Then I look at my children, and realize how blessed I am, and think, “who do you think you are to feel SORRY for yourself!??”<\/p>\n And so the battle continues. It goes on and on until I’m hiding in my bathroom because I can’t stand the thought of the children seeing my tears.<\/p>\n Hiding from my husband because I know he’ll be upset by my sadness. I fear writing this because I know he’ll read it, and then he’ll know how I really feel.<\/p>\n I don’t want to make things harder on him. Yet at the same time, I don’t want him thinking it’s so easy for me to just say “goodbye”.<\/p>\n It’s not. I HATE this.<\/p>\n But it’s time to remind myself, yet again, that I am blessed. That this time may just be for a short time. I may be worrying, fretting, feeling sad, feeling angry, for naught. So I will try not to worry. I will continue to battle these thoughts and feelings and carry on.<\/p>\n Because it’s all I can do right now to keep from falling apart.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" And told the kids to pretend I’m not home. I feel so incredibly grumpy that I just don’t want to risk ‘biting’ their heads off. For days I’ve had this constant battle going on inside my head. The closer we get to my husband leaving, the worse it gets and the harder it is to […]<\/p>\n