{"id":1916,"date":"2011-10-06T17:33:57","date_gmt":"2011-10-06T17:33:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/homesteademporium.wordpress.com\/?p=1916"},"modified":"2011-10-06T17:33:57","modified_gmt":"2011-10-06T17:33:57","slug":"so-often-when-i-have-lots-to-say-i-say-nothing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/homesteademporium.com\/blog\/2011\/10\/06\/so-often-when-i-have-lots-to-say-i-say-nothing\/","title":{"rendered":"So often when I have lots to say, I say nothing."},"content":{"rendered":"

So much to talk about lately, yet I sit here day after day saying nothing. I don’t know why that is? Too much on my mind perhaps to make sense of any of it?<\/p>\n

Not sure.<\/p>\n

Regardless, I don’t like being silent, so I figured it was about time I say at least something on the blog. So, you’ll have to forgive me if my writing seems random lately.<\/p>\n

It’s October 6th. My husband left on July 31st. It’s been a long time since I, or my children, have had a hug from “Daddy”. I’m trying not to let it drive me insane.<\/p>\n

Some days that’s harder then others.<\/p>\n

I’ve been working lately on bettering myself as a parent, as a mother. Without my husband here, I figure now is as good a time as any to concentrate on my relationships with my children. The main area I’ve been working on is ‘anger’ (grumpiness).<\/p>\n

I’ve often read that what is in the heart comes out of the mouth. I’ve been thinking on this a lot lately. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t walk around angry all the time, BUT, I do struggle at times with anger and I have to ask myself WHY? What<\/strong> is in my heart, that is causing my mouth to speak ‘angrily’? <\/em>At all? Ever?!<\/p>\n

The times I struggle with anger most is when I am at my weakest. When I am over tired, or during pms (this is the ABSOLUTE worst time), etc. When I am weak, it is difficult to fight feelings of anger. To fight off the ‘grumpies’. I know getting grumpy is ‘normal’ but I don’t like it, and I’m not one to settle for ‘normal’ anyways.<\/p>\n

So, I’m working on myself, towards the goal of being a better mother. So the grumpiness has GOT TO GO! <\/strong><\/em>I can honestly say I’m fairly happy with myself as a person, as a mother, but I hate raising my voice. HATE it. My children hate it too. I raise my voice is when I’m feeling angry\/grumpy.<\/p>\n

I’m going to practice speaking nicely. I’m TRYING to make a point of speaking as kindly, warmly, and gently as I would speak to anyone else. Isn’t it awful that so often we’ll speak less kindly to our own family members, those who are MOST<\/strong> important to us, then we will to strangers on the street? Or is that just me?<\/strong><\/em> Just our family?<\/em> Is everyone else out there speaking kindly and gently to their children & spouses? Some how, I don’t think we’re the only family who struggles in this area.<\/p>\n

As a mother, one of my main goals in my mothering has been to never expect more from my children, then I expect from myself.<\/p>\n

In other words, I strive not to be a hypocrite:<\/p>\n

hyp\u00b7o\u00b7crite<\/em><\/strong>
\n 1. a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs,<\/em>
\n principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess,<\/em>
\n especially a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.<\/em>
\n 2. a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude,<\/em>
\n especially one whose private life, opinions,<\/em>
\n or statements belie his or her public statements.<\/em><\/p>\n

So… this means I can NOT<\/em><\/strong> tell my children to speak kindly to one another, yet not practice the same thing myself! It’s a good thing to work on while hubby and I are apart. My children deserve the best mother I can possibly give them!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So much to talk about lately, yet I sit here day after day saying nothing. I don’t know why that is? Too much on my mind perhaps to make sense of any of it? Not sure. Regardless, I don’t like being silent, so I figured it was about time I say at least something on […]<\/p>\n

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