Over the past few weeks several of you have emailed in regards to my blog, thanking me for the willingness to share, openly, about our ‘real’ daily lives here on the homestead, and more.

Some have also said thank you  for sharing our ups and downs, with a good attitude.

One of you shared in an email the other day,
“I just appreciate your happiness that comes across online when I read about your biz and such.”

I honestly don’t feel like I have a good attitude much of the time!

Every day I struggle to keep my attitude in check, to not become disheartened.

Yet, I do continue to fight the negativity, the grumpiness.

I remind myself instead of the blessings surrounding me.

There are many. 

Love is patient, love is kind,
Love does not insist on its own way.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
Hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
                                                  – I Corinthians 13:4-8

Most of my life I’ve been a bit of a people pleaser. Trying my best to only say things that will cause others to be ‘happy’, and not upset or disappointed with me.

As I grow older, I’ve become a little tired of trying to keep my life looking ‘pretty’ all the time, by sweeping the ‘garbage’ in my life, from my past, under the carpet.

I’ve grown tired of trying to keep everyone happy, and trying to please others. It’s really not possible, and really, who says anyone has asked me to anyways?

Because the reality of life is, you can sweep the garbage under the carpet all you want. You can TRY your best to hide it.

But that garbage is still there. And, after a while, it really starts to stink.

I don’t want things to stink around here! I want to open the windows and let the breezes in. I want to open the doors and sweep the garbage right out!

And THAT is why I try to keep a good attitude, through it all.

I don’t always succeed at the battle between good attitude vs. grumpies. My family can attest to that! But I do try. I guess that’s what shows through here on the blog.

Because really… life, can be hard.

Life is hard for pretty much everyone. I  don’t know ANY person who has it easy, in every aspect of their life.

I remind myself of that, often.

If I allow myself to wallow in self-pity, hopelessness, grumpiness, negativity, and the like, what good does that do me?

More importantly, what good does it do for my family?

In this life, I have two things that I feel I can have complete control over.

Just two.

  • My faith.
  • My attitude.

That’s it.

During my life I have been through some difficult experiences, pain, ridicule, abuse, brokenness, rape (I’m humbling myself and sharing some of this for the first time), difficult years in our marriage, 2 miscarriages, and an episode that put me in the hospital for 4 days a few years ago in which the dr’s thought possibly a stroke, brain aneurysm or otherwise. We still don’t know what it was (it wasn’t any of the above, the neurologist says it was just a ‘funny’ migraine), but I’m still here, with my husband and my children. There was a lot of fear to fight through that one. That time, it wasn’t just about me, it was about dependents I could be leaving behind. It was about their possible pain, IF, the worst DID occur. For me, that was a whole other ball game from any pain before that involved just me.

I’ve come through these experiences, yet, how I live NOW is not defined by these.

I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free.

                                         Nikos Kazantzakis

WHO I am NOW has been shaped through those difficult times, but those times have not created me.

Who I am is, a happy wife of almost 21 years, a very blessed mother to five wonderful children, a survivor, and proud of it, a successful business woman, and a woman with faith, even if it does feel very small at times

Why do I share openly, candidly, here on my blog?

I admit, sometimes I wonder.
It can be unnerving, and very humbling, but I share so that maybe…

…other’s might feel more free to share as well, or at least feel less alone in their daily struggles.

“What life have you if you have not life together? There is no life that is not in community.”

—T. S. Eliot

Those of you who read here, are MY community. My community here is full of some family, some friends, MANY women who I’ve emailed with over the years, through business and other, and even some strangers. –I prefer to think of them as friends I simply haven’t had the chance to meet yet.

At first when I began writing regularly I felt a little disappointed that because of my business, the fact that I sew women’s pads, this blog may never become what I hoped it could be, a place for others to connect to our family, and maybe even to one another.

I realized that because of the intimate nature of the main products I create, some would never see this blog as more then a place for just ‘some’ women, but not a place for everyone.

But then I realized just the other day that maybe that’s not something I should fight?

Maybe instead of being disappointed about this I should embrace that reality, and be willing to share even MORE openly, about my life as a woman. To share without shame.

Because, sadly, my life story is not unusual. My past is not unique.

From the time I was much younger, I always felt that if ANY good could ever come from what I had been through, it would be worth it. If MY story would help ease the pain for even just ONE other woman/girl, then my pain had been worth it. It then has a purpose. It is no longer senseless.

And so I share my life.

Love comes to those who still hope even though they’ve been dissapointed.
To those who still beleive, even though they’ve been betrayed.
To those who still love even though they’ve been hurt before.