When I wrote up my blog post from yesterday, it actually started out a lot longer then it ended.

I had begun writing it a couple of days earlier when I was just feeling very weary of it all. It’s been a long and tiring process.

In the comments, someone asked if we’re sure about what we’re doing.
(I removed the name from the comment, because I REALLY don’t want anyone to feel like I’m picking on  them, because really, I’m not, you’re not the only one who’s asked something like this, or thought it, but I wanted to share my response on the blog rather then the comments because I had posted more about this aspect in the original version, and then had deleted it.)

The question was asked:

I’m sorry you’re feeling weary.  Are you sure God’s plan involves a bigger homestead?  We only see the tiniest snapshot on your blog, so please forgive if the direction has been clear.  But often, for me, the weariness hits not when I’m waiting…but rather not listening.

Often in life, I choose to keep quiet in response to these types of comments. Not because I have nothing to say, but rather, often times I simply do not know how to say it.

I know my answers, they are written on my heart, always in my mind. I just don’t know how to put them into words that truly convey how I’m feeling. I’m not the most eloquent person with words. I’m also very passionate in what I believe, and sometimes things just don’t come out right.

I also choose not to get overly ‘religious’ on my blog, or even in my day to day walk and talk with others. My beliefs are strong, but they are personal. When asked to share, I will, but I won’t ‘thunk’ someone on the head with them. I believe how I live my life should speak for me, my words should not be neccessary.

Often I simply say nothing because I rest in the fact that God knows my heart, and no matter how hard I try to share my heart with others, it’s just not going to come out right, or, they aren’t going to hear it as I intend it to be heard.

A very good friend blessed me yesterday. She doesn’t even realize what a blessing she was, I really should tell her. She may not even remember saying it, but it blessed my heart immensely.

During lunch after church we were discussing our situation, and how much our children are growing in the process etc.. At one point she stopped and said something like,
“and how do you help these children understand the sovereignty of God while you wait and wait?”

That friend had truly put herself in our shoes, and seen the difficult task of going through all of this while keeping our attitudes right, with FIVE sets of eyes watching our every move, our every action, our every reaction to the situation. While trying hard to keep frustration, anger, and even pity, out of it all and moving forward with our ‘hands to the plow’. We haven’t always succeeded. We’ve been humbled MANY times.

As for weariness hitting when we’re not listening?

Sorry, this is one of those times it’s going to be hard for me to say what I’m feeling without it coming off the wrong way, so take it with ‘good’ intention, with grace, not negatively.

E-V-E-R-Y good thing in my life has caused me to grow weary.

Remaining married for the past 21 years, has caused me much weariness.

Raising these five children, has caused me much weariness over the past 20 years.

Homeschooling these five children, has caused me much weariness over the past 16 years.

Being successful in my business has definitely caused me much weariness over the last years.

If weariness were a sign that I am not listening… well, there’s many things I would have given up on in this life by now.

All of which are the best things in my life.

I may feel weary, but I will not give up. This is the path we have chosen because we feel it is the path in which we are meant to go.

Weariness, as far as I’m concerned, is a reason to become even more determined.

Let us not become weary in doing good,
for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galations 6:9