• 21 years ago we were married.

    Today we celebrate our anniversary, apart, for the very first time since we got married 21 years ago.

    However, it’s our anniversary regardless, and last last night I received an Happy Anniversary text from my dear hubby while he was at work. He’s working the 6pm to 6am shift this week.

    Last year, we went away for two nights to celebrate our 20th anniversary. To a resort that had a 2 night special, it was awesome.

    This was our view last year.

    This was our room.

    This is where we walked.

    It was wonderful.

    What I wouldn’t give to celebrate our anniversary together today.

    For now, we have our memories to hold us over until we are together again.

    ? Happy Anniversary Graydon! ? Love you, miss you MUCH! ?

  • A photo

    I had to share a photo.

    My husband was at the house/farm we’ve got our offer in on, for the inspection yesterday.

    During the inspection, they found this:

    cookstove

    I’ve drooled over these for over TWENTY years.

    It would look absolutely beautiful restored, along with my hosier cabinet which has sadly been stored in our workshop the past few years while having the house on the market.

    I love antiques.

    When this photo suddenly appeared on my phone from my husband, during the time I knew he was at the farm for the inspection, I almost cried.

    Fine, fine, I admit it. I did cry. I’m not one to shed tears easily, so it’s rather embarrassing…

    So many things are uncertain in our lives right now.

    Yet another potential buyer found fault with our property this week and put an offer in elsewhere. We’ve all been feeling very disheartened since that news, again. It’s so overwhelmingly difficult at times to keep our hopes up. This has been going on for a few years now. That’s a long time.

    Yet, as things feel like they keep falling apart here in BC, over a 1000 miles away in Sask where my husband is, everything continues to seemingly be falling perfectly into place. The above surprise, was the only surprise during the inspection. So yet another item crossed off our list as we try to get ourselves moved over there.

    So, we continue to hope that all is not lost.

    We have a couple of weeks left to sell our property here before it begins to get too late.

    Too late for the offer we put in, and too late to move ourselves, and our animals (mainly the horses), through the rockies. Winter is coming once again.

    We have a couple of weeks before we really ‘need’ to worry.

    Worry. Something I keep trying my very very best NOT to do.

    So when I saw that photo, the old cookstove, the EXACT style I’ve alwasy admired, in such WONDERFUL condition, and even working, I had to fight tears, and I couldn’t help but think…
    maybe, just maybe, this was yet another little piece falling into place?

  • Our ducklings.

    Time to finally post about our ducklings.

    As you may remember, quite a few weeks ago (I’m thinking 6?) a raccoon had gotten into our chicken/duck yard and killed one half of our mating duck couple. Cocoa, our female.

    This left Shivers, our male, without a mate. As is typical with male animals, he became lonely and decided to remedy the situation, and mate with one of our two Muscovy female ducks instead.

    While this wasn’t ideal, I did some research and found out the two breeds are ‘ok’ to intermix. Our only other option was to get rid of Shivers, and seeing as he is Shaylah’s pet, that wasn’t really an option.

    When our Muscovy became EXTREMELY broody, the kids became very excited. At first I was hesitant to leave her eggs, but then I agreed we’d allow her to keep four. We had never hatched eggs ourselves, and the kids were SO excited to be a part of the process.

    I mean SO excited. If you doubt HOW excited, you can watch/listen, but before I give you the link, I’m warning you. TURN DOWN YOUR SOUND! Squeals of all sorts will be heard. My girls are NOT quiet when excited. Ha!

    http://youtu.be/lQU8VCytPc4

    If you didn’t turn down your sound, don’t you wish now, that you had?

    First to be hatched was this little one, who the girls have named BamBam
    (although I’m hoping BamBam is actually a GIRL, we can’t have more boys!)

    Then came Pebbles, who we were concerned wasn’t going to make it.

    She didn’t seem as strong as BamBam at birth, but within a day, she showed us she was going to be fine.

    If Pebbles ends up being a boy, I will be very surprised. She’s just like Cocoa when she was a duckling!

    The other two eggs turned out to be duds. When candled, you couldn’t see any heart beat/pulsation. We got rid of them so Daphne (mom) would concentrate on caring for her now hatched ducklings.

    I think the girls like their new ducks.

    Would you agree?

  • It’s been awfully quiet here on the blog

    I’ve posted before that when I don’f feel like talking much, it’s usually because my mood isn’t exactly the greatest. It’s not that my mood has been ‘bad’… just ‘off’. Not my usual ‘upbeat’ self.

    Yesterday marked 7 weeks since my husband left. I guess that means today marks FIFTY days.

    I fully understand it’s quite boring to read/hear about our hopes and dreams and all of it taking so long to come to fruition. I fully understand some think we’re just plain old nuts, or even… stupid not very smart, for continuing to even try to make these dreams a reality when it’s already been SO LONG.
    So…
    Often I just choose to be quiet for a while rather then constantly repeating my whining process.

    But, the fact is, my husband has been gone for 7 weeks, and neither I, nor our children, have seen him in much too long a time. It may not be so bad if we actually had any inkling at all as to how long this is all going to take before we actually DO see him again, but we don’t know, we have no clue, so we simply wait, and wait, and hope, and… continue to wait.

    And waiting seems to have become my new hobby.

    So I’m trying to learn patience. Obviously something I haven’t mastered yet.

    I suppose it may have something to do with the fact that we’re celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary this week, and we’ll be celebrating apart. It was bad enough that we had to celebrate our eldest daughters 20th birthday last month, apart. Now an anniversary too?

    Ahhh…. life. Ain’t it grand some times?

    But then I remind myself, that it’s still life, and I am thankful for life, so I must stop thinking and feeling negatively, but some days that’s harder then others.

    I’ll try and keep my chin up though.

    I haven’t even shared about our ducklings on the blog yet! I’ll need to upload some photos soon but I’ve been so busy with trying to get all our custom orders finished and out the door (just in case we sell soon, you know, it could happen… I’d hate to have custom orders lingering over my head while packing…) and trying to keep everything spotless for house showings, and driving kids to work. And of course keeping the younger three busy with school and non-mess-making activities (which is proving to be IMPOSSIBLE, you don’t want to see my dinningroom/living room right now. It looks like a barbie bus and legoland exploded in there…) 

    But life goes on, and overall, life is good, and today, I’ll choose to dwell on that!

    And in the meantime, here’s a peek at BamBam & Pepples.

  • First week of back to school, feeling a bit like a failure

    Well, maybe not a total failure, but the start of the school year just brings up SO much more then academics! And we’ve been at this 16 years! Those of you just starting out, give yourselves a pat on the back even if things aren’t going as well as you had hoped.

    First off, the start of every year reminds me that schooling all three youngest together, isn’t always the easiest thing. I use the same curriculum for all three because it does keep some things simpler, and since Elsa was born in 1998 and the twins were born in 1999, technically they are only one school year apart. Plus, our curriculum is mostly unit study types, so this works out very well.

    However, for those subjects we are NOT doing unit study style, math being the major one… well… let’s just say I can’t imagine a teacher trying to do this properly with THIRTY students.

    I’m one mother, having a hard time juggling how to handle this, with just three.

    One child wants to whip right through the math curriculum, and I HATE to say no.
    The other child ‘could’ whip right through it, but can’t be bothered.
    Yet another child, although she’s smart as a whip in just about every other area of schooling, can’t seem to grasp math concepts.

    She’s like her mother that way.

    Oh I can get math, but math concepts as taught in workbooks… forgetaboutit.

    Ugh.

    What to do, what to do? Do I let the one child whiz through?
    If I do, should I push the other a little harder to whiz through along with her since I know she can?
    Do I throw away the other child’s book since it’s obviously not working for her, and go with a more hands on approach for her math?
    I know that “I” learn very well with the hands on approach, if she’s so much like me when it comes to math, I think this may be the best approach.

    Which of course means… a change in our schooling. Already. We haven’t even been at this a full week yet.

    *sigh*

    I know it’s the best thing to do though. To try and do it any other way, would simply be futile.

    This is my most favorite, and least favorite, part of homeschooling.

    The fact that I can design our schooling in such a way that works best for each child. However, the reality in that is always more work, and more time, for mom. I don’t mind taking the time, or doing the work, it’s just difficult when time is in such short supply right now.

    Which, brings me to the other area in which I’m feeling like a failure.

    Parenting.

    Since my husband left, it’s been like a downhilll slide or an uphill battle, constantly.

    The problem is not the children either, it’s ME! And I HATE admitting that.

    I’ve been such a huge grump. I’m trying hard not to be, and I do ok, but it shouldn’t be such a struggle to put a smile on my face. I know the only reason why it is such a struggle, is because I’ve allowed my attitude to get stinky.

    I really need to stop that. Like RIGHT NOW!

    These kids deserve so much more then an overtired, grumpy mother.

  • My abundant harvest…

    or… maybe not?

    So far, not so good, but we do have one happy cherry tomato!

    Actually, we have 58 tomatoes, on just two plants, one cherry tomato plant, another larger variety. It’s not that bad really!

    Now we just have to hope the rest will ripen before too long!

  • Eggs, eggs, and… more eggs!

    We’ve had a lot of eggs around here lately, so I thought I’d share some with you!

    The pretty green/blue ones belong to the homestead the kids were ‘sitting’. You know, like ‘pet-sitting’, they were ‘homestead-sitting’.

    The rest of the eggs are ours though. The brown ones are from our regular brown hens.

    The great big ones are from our ducks.

    See that teeny tiny brown egg? I’m quite sure that must have come from one of our older hens. We’ve had one of those before, and they hold no yolk, just egg white.

    Pretty interesting, isn’t it?

    I thought so too!

    My hope is to one day have a whole variety of hens, so we can have a wide variety of eggs.

    I’d like each carton to look like an Easter basket of eggs au naturel… 

  • I’m learning to take better photos

    Some time this past summer my mom and I attended a photography workshop.

    We were unable to stay for the entire day. Both of us needed to leave early, so we only had the opportunity to listen and learn from the two speakers, in a conference room. We would miss the afternoon “safari” lessons, the hands on part of the workshop.

    This was a bit of a bummer, but… it is the reality of busy people.

    We were both just very glad to even have the opportunity to attend a workshop and learn some things! “Groupon” had an awesome deal that we simply could not pass up, so away we went.

    Before we left Victoria, we made a quick stop at the harbour for a few photos!

    I love the harbour.

    My mom snapped this quick photo of me snapping photos of the ocean, with the family around. I couldn’t believe she used her point and shoot after we had just sat through that workshop!

    I snapped one of her taking pictures too.


    *my younger sister in the foreground, my mom snapping photos in the back.

    Since the workshop, I’ve felt much more confident in playing around with the buttons on my camera. My wonderful, wonderful camera (a Nikon D300) which I purchased used from an online friend a few years ago. This camera has been one of the best investments I have ever made. Not only does it help with my business, GREATLY, as it makes for great product shots, it also allows me to learn more about how to get great shots of what’s even more important to me,
    every.day.life.


    *my husband and three youngest girls checking out an old sailboat

    Great product shots are important… but life? It’s passing by me so quickly that I’m happy to beautifully freeze frame snippets with my camera here and there. We may not be able to go back in time, but we can relive the memories through photos.


    *my mom and sister

    The biggest change I’ve noticed though, by playing around with buttons recently, is the sunset photos I can finally achieve.

    I snapped a photo of how I ‘used’ to take sunset photos.

    And it was ‘ok’, the photo may even look pretty to some, but it always frustrated me that what I was seeing with my EYES, was not what I would see in my photos.

    That photo above, was NOT was I was seeing with my eyes that night.

    THIS is what I was seeing, and what I so desperately wanted to capture!

    The sky that night, it was amazing.

    I’ve become brave enough to play around with settings, get myself out of ‘auto’, and just keep snapping away until I get it right.

    And now, what I see in front of me for just a few short moments as the sun sets.

    I can keep forever, even after it’s faded and gone.

    I can’t tell you exactly what settings I changed, that was so different from how I used to take photos. I’m not real good at teaching others what I know. I learn simply by doing.

    What I can do, is tell you to get brave with your camera if you haven’t already. Read, read, and read some more. If an opportunity comes along to take a lesson, attend a workshop, or anything else that’s going to help boost your confidence, go for it!

    You’ll never regret getting better photos!

  • The waiting game, in pregnancy, and in life, continued.

    This is a continuation of my post from yesterday, found here: http://homesteademporium.wordpress.com/2011/09/05/the-waiting-game-in-pregnancy-and-in-life/

    When The Ice Storm of 1998 hit our area, and hit it hard, we found ourselves without power. We lived like this for days. My sister, her husband and her two children were visiting us from British Columbia at the time, making things even more trying since not only did we need to think about our own family of four and the birth of our upcoming babe, but we also had guests to consider through it all.

    We stayed at home as long as possible. Trying to find ways to keep warm. We had a wood furnace, but the fan for the furnace was powered through electricity, so unless that fan was going, no heat was getting into the actual house. Neighbours pulled together and helped one another. We had lots of wood which we shared with neighbours, another neighbour had a cookstove and shared some food, etc.. It really was actually quite a nice time of ‘bonding’, as disasters tend to be.

    After several days without heat, power, & water, I can’t remember any longer just how many days, Graydon’s (my husband) cousin invited us to come stay in their home. They had a wood stove, and a propane stove/oven and were fairing out better then we were. To open their home to us, AND my sister’s family was such a HUGE blessing.

    To top it all off, their neighbour, whom I also knew casually through our children’s social activities, had not just heat but hot water too! That evening, because this neighbour knew I was pregnant, overdue, and very big and uncomfortable and had been without water and heat for DAYS, invited me to come on over and have a nice hot bath! I was ELATED!

    This was Saturday evening, 7:00 pm to be exact. My scheduled induction/c-section was marked down for first thing Monday morning.

    After my nice hot bath, just like that, I went into labour.

    It was time to find our way, through the icy roads (we were in the middle of an ice storm! The Great Ice Storm!), from our rural town to the nearest hospital.

    Thankfully, we made it!

    However, the hospital had minimal staff, minimal power (generator) AND the doctor on call that night REFUSED to let me try and birth this breech baby.

    Refused.

    It was either have a c-section right then or there, or find some other doctor, somewhere else, to help deliver this baby.

    We’ve never been ones to take the ‘easy’ way. We opted for another doctor, in the city, over an hour away, (in GOOD weather) in the opposite direction. If we wanted an ambulance, it was going to take at least a couple of hours of waiting for one to be free because of The Ice Storm.

    We said “goodbye, we’ll take it from here.” They said “good luck with that!”

    And away we went, to Kingston General, a teaching hospital.

    At the time it was one of the scariest decisions we ever made. My first two babies had been birthed in a matter of 4 hours, then 2 hours, of hard labour. I had already been in labour for several hours, and now we had a long, tedious, and dangerous, drive ahead of us all the way to the nearest large city hospital.

    However, it also turned out to be one of the best decisions we ever made.

    When we arrived at the hospital, the doctor on call who had already agreed to let me try and birth this baby breech, had been alerted and was ready and waiting for us.

    He was one of the nicest doctors I have ever met. A no BS kind of man, with a gentle side. He explained that he was more then happy to let me try and birth this baby, however, they were a teaching hospital and since breech births were so rare these days, would I consent to any, and all, interns to be present during the birth of my baby.

    He also wanted to know if I would consent to an epidural, so my body would be ready, just in case something went wrong and an emergency c-section would be required to save the baby, or myself.

    Yes! Yes! and Yes! I agreed to all of these things!

    I was SO happy that I was being given the chance to at least TRY to birth this baby breech, that I didn’t care WHO was there to witness it! I actually felt proud knowing that if this birth was successful, having these interns be a part of it all, may even help them be brave enough to allow another woman to at least TRY to birth a breech baby in the futureof their careers.

    I had come up against SO many walls with this! I wanted to do anything to help other women have it a little easier, if they were to experience the same thing.

    When I had first gone into labour, it was 7pm Saturday evening. By the time we had arrived at the first hospital, I believe it was about 9pm. After the discussions there, and then the subsequent very slow, very cautious drive to the city hospital, we arrived around 2am Sunday.

    Elisabeth Grace was born into this world, breech, at 8am Sunday morning, exactly 24 hours before she was scheduled to be born via c-section. The doctor informed me afterwards that he had given me until 8:15, if she hadn’t been born by then, it would have been time for a c-section. It had simply begun to take too long.

    It was not easy, and there were some consequences. She swallowed some meconium during the birth. This isn’t unusual with a baby coming out the wrong end first! Because of this, she had to be whisked away to ICU for a couple of hours. The hardest couple of hours of my life. I was so angry with the nurse as she kept trying to take my baby away while I had hoped so much that for once, just once, I would be able to nurse one of my babies straight from the womb!

    The first two had been whisked off by nurses as well. I had wanted things to be different this time. But alas, Elsa was taken away and I was left without a baby, wondering what was going on.

    After being monitored for a couple of hours, she was finally brought back to me, where she would stay from that point on.

    The two of us spent the rest of The Great Ice Storm cozy in a warm city hospital, with warm food, warm blankets, and time to get to know one another.

    The time that I had spent waiting for Elsa to finally be born, a birth that everyone and their uncle predicted would happen at LEAST four weeks earlier, was the very longest, drawn out, emotionally exhausting, time of my life.

    During that time, I learned so much about myself, about my faith, about my emotions, my body, my strengths, and even my weaknesses, then I had ever learned in the 26 years of my life before she was born.

    After Elsa was born, and the anguishing wait was FINALLY over, I swore that I would never, ever, allow myself to become that mentally and emotionally exhausted and drained ever again. I told myself, my husband, and God Himself, that if I ever, EVER had to wait for ANYTHING, EVER again in my life, I would do it with much more GRACE, and more importantly, patience, then I exhibited while awaiting Elsa’s birth.

    And I succeeded!

    Until now.

    The waiting game we are playing right now, has succeeded in just about beating me. This waiting, and wondering, when & sometimes even IF, our home will ever sell?!
    And wondering WHEN will our family ever be together once again?!

    Well… it’s humbled me to the point of realizing, I really never, EVER, EVER, should have said, “never again”.

  • The waiting game, in pregnancy, and in life.

    Our first child, Alesia, was born on her exact due date. I read that only 4% of ALL babies are born on their due dates. She also came fairly fast. I was ‘in’ labour for about 24 hours, but only any real hard labour for the last 4 hours.

    When our second child was born, our only son Joshua, he surprisingly came 10 days early! That was a real nice surprise because I was far enough along in my pregnancy that he wasn’t “too” early, and he was born at a nice healthy size. My labour this time was about 12 hours, with 2 hours of hard labour..

    When I was pregnant with our third child, Elisabeth (Elsa), everyone and their uncle, would ask me if I went on time, early, or late with my first two. So I’d always tell them I was right on time with Alesia, and 10 days early with Josh. EVERYONE and their uncle would always reply with, “Oh, then you’ll DEFINITELY go early with this one!”

    Don’t ever, EVER, tell a pregnant woman that she will deliver her baby early.

    Ever.

    I mean it, don’t EVER do it.

    By week 40 I was not just due, but I was due with a BREECH baby.

    By week 41, my doctor was putting on a lot of pressure to book a c-section. I did NOT want a c-section. I knew birthing a breech baby was going to be difficult, but I was still hoping against all hope, that maybe, just maybe, she would do a sudden last minute flip flop and I’d be delivering her as easily, and as naturally, as I had delivered my first two children.

    My doctor also made me sign a waiver not holding him responsible for my pregnancy going past 40 weeks. I was fine with that. I was completely fine with being completely responsible for MY baby, and MY body, thank you very much!

    He also booked me in for a c-section scheduled at week 42 and 1 day. End of discussion. If I did not deliver by then, if I did not go into labour on my own by the end of my 42nd week, he was NOT going to allow me to go any further. I was agreeable to that. As much as I was determined to give my baby, and my body, the chance to do this, I was also not into pushing things past certain limits. I agreed that if I had not gone into labour by the time I was 42 weeks and 1 day, yes, we would go ahead and do things his way.

    An induction and possible subsequent c-section was booked for January 12th, 1998.

    If you live anywhere in the vacinity of Ontario, Canada, whether it be IN Ontario, or across the US border in New York State, etc., you may just remember Januaury 1998.

    If you do not remember January 1998, let me refresh your memory, because I’m quite sure even if you do not, or did not, live in those areas of Canada and the US, you did indeed hear some news about January 1998.

    http://archives.cbc.ca/environment/extreme_weather/topics/258-1447/

    It was called The Great Ice Storm of 1998.
    Canadians had never before endured a natural disaster like the ice storm of 1998. A difficult morning of car scraping quickly turned into a state of emergency  

    The ice storm, happened the week/days before my scheduled c-section.

    At that time we lived in the fairly rural, small town of Athens Ontario. Being 20-25 minutes away from the nearest hospital doesn’t seem so far away, until you go into labour, with a breech baby, in the middle of The Great Ice Storm.

    This post is getting MUCH too long. I shall continue tomorrow!